JOKES FOR TODAY

Little Beatrice was in first grade and when she was called upon, told the class that her father could eat light bulbs. The teacher corrected her and said that no one could eat light bulbs, but she protested saying, "Last night my father told my mother that if she turned out the light he would eat it."
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Another teacher asked her class to give her a three syllable word and then use that word in a sentence.
Cathy said, "Wonderful," "The lunch in the cafeteria today was wonderful."
Betty stood and said, "Fantastic," "I had a fantastic weekend."
No one else was raising their hand except little Andrew and the teacher was never sure what was going to come out of that boy's mouth, but she called on him.
"Urinate." "Urinate, if you had tits you would be a ten.
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Mario, an Italian friend of ours, was asked recently if he knew why so many Italian Americans were named Tony. He told us that it was a mistake, that when they got on the boat the note on their ticket was SUPPOSED to say TO: N.Y.
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A young brave asked his father, "How do we get our names, I mean where do they come from?"
His father explained to him, "When a child is born the father looks out the tepee and names the child after the first thing he sees. Why do you ask Two Dogs Screwing?"